Exploration

One really good friend i once had was Reeve. We were best friends in 6th grade i was new to Robs and we hit it off immediately, attached at the hip. I went to her house she came to my house it was a lot of fun. For instance we would make ridiculous videos at her house. Reeve's family would go hunting from time to time so they had target practice animals set up in her backyard which i though was crazy since i have never been hunting a day in my life. Anyway we would pretend the animals were real and give ourselves hick accents and talk about the animal or we would pretend to be on a safari hunt and shoot them with bow and arrows. We mainly would hang out at her house just because her parents were much more lenient about things than my mom who struggles with allowing anyone around her to be idle including her self. Our relationship was silly and full of laughter not really based on anything deep or meaningful we just had a good time together being silly. Upon entering 7th grade Reeve began to change she wanted different things she seem to have a desperate need to be popular and she tried so hard. I didn't understand this we had fun and i couldn't understand why she need the popularity so much. I mean sure its easy to get sucked up in it all but I dont think i ever wanted it as bad as Reeve did. Basicly after all her atempts she took a new approach, boys.In lower school or elementary school she had been a little chunky and the summer entering 7th grade she got her parents to hire her a personal trainer. So she had for the most part slimed down and basicly became boy crazy. From my stand point i can understand this obviously, for the beginning of that year i was with her, just because its fun to talk about boys and giggle and what not. BUt i also have a twin brother so being around boys all the time was not that appealing to me especially my brothers friends, i saw them often enough. Which reeve thought was really lucky and were the pluses of hanging out at my house. But my brothers friends never actually treated me like a girl more like a little brother. Reeve and i by this point were getting in fights and i was always frustrated with her because of how different she acted around boys and the "popular girls" so in a way i can see how i brought down this friendship as well. Her reaction to this was oblivious she acted like she had no idea what i was talking about naturally. But that 7th grade year a new girl named anna came to our school. Anna was liked by the boys early on because she was confident in her own way and she was "developed" . So i was droped as the best friend and Anna took over.

Time

Embarrassing moments in middle school were endless! One that i particularly remember the clearest was 8th grade advisory at the beginning of the year. In 8th grade i was in Mrs. Stewarts advisory, she was the bible teacher very sweet but a little dramatic sometimes. And when i say that im referring to her sparkly black outfit she had for singers performances, she would be the conductor and be bedazzled from head to toe. Anyway on that Wednesday morning in advisory, the boys in my advisory were quizzing me on the boy I had a crush on as they all knew it was Max Hudson. My friends and I would go and watch the football and soccer games just to watch him, we though he was soo cute. Anyway as we were talking in advisory the boys were making jokes and teasing me for liking him. Going way to far with it and being ridiculous, and who walks in but Max himself. Max was a year older so he wasn't at school that year so i never imagined that this could actually happen, what are the odds! He was visiting Robs that day and of course walks in right as the boys are in mid-sentence of saying how i want to lick chocolate of his body. After just being mortified in general at this statement i had the pleasure of him being there to witness it! The boys naturally though it was hilarious! And took advantage of the situation by basically screaming in his face that i was obsessed with him. I was bright red, completely embarrassed and had put my folder over my face trying to somehow hide myself from this situation.So from this i definitely learned to keep my thoughts on boys to myself. Mabye one of the most embarrsing moments ever!

Post Secret

I struggle with believing in God.

I love my youth group i really do, and i like going to church, preferably the 11:05 service because its more laid back and has modern christian music instead of ancient hymns. One thing about my church that i don't like is that some times it get to be too social in my opinion. I feel like a lot of people just come to look nice for the boys and see their friends. But its just a judgement i have made i have know way of actually knowing. I have had spiritual highs on a lot of the church trips and think about God all the time. It confuses me when people say that God has spoken to them and that you just have to be really quiet, because then i think maybe he is talking to me and im just not listening. But then i hear a voice in my head but its just me i can tell it to say whatever i want. Although it usually tells me to do the right thing otherwise i end up feeling really guilty. My previous goal was to read the bible completely from cover to cover, you know, like in order. This is going ok i guess except that some of the chapters like the one about the priests ceremonies are really boring, and i dont get to it as much as i like because of me just being busy. Anyway i'm still in the Old Testament and everything is about God and i believe in God, i guess my secret is better rephrased as i struggle with believing in Jesus. Maybe its because i haven't made it to the New Testament yet or far enough in the Old testament but since my mind is focused on God i don't think "i'm praying to Jesus" i think "i'm praying to God". So it worries me and i think, does that make me jewish? I am just struggling with the concept of the trio , father son and holy spirit. Now i have been going to place in such as proverbs and psalms and their are really strengthening versus in there. Currently one of my favorite versus is in Acts, i read it every day before field hockey preseason, for strength. Running is a big part of field hockey and it might sound pathetic but i'm really not a great runner and its something i really struggle with and have my entire life since i play a lot of running sports. Which doesn't really make sense why i do those kinds of sports but it just turned out that way. The verse in Acts that i love is Acts 20:21-23 "And now compelled by the spirit I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the holy spirt warns me of hardships and prison, yet i consider my life worth nothing to me, if only i may finish the race and complete the task Lord Jesus has giving me--the task of testifying the gospel of Gods grace."I love that verse really its inspiring. Another reason I struggle with religion is that i just get caught up in the world, I love fashion, decorating, and designing so i try to make sure that i balance it all and it's hard, usually i'd much rather read a Martha Stewart mag. apposed to the bible and that is a guilty feeling as well.My goals now are to be able to spread the word, i really want to talk to my friends about it but its an aqwuard conversation and maybe i'm not the same person to God as I am to them.

Lists

i dont know why i remember...

1. A dress my friend wore on the first day of kindergarden.

2. telling my teacher that i hairsprayed my hair for picture day.

3. A small fight i had with my mom and i through a bottle of soap on the floor and the soap bottle broke.

5. A pair of shorts my friend was obsessed with and a converstaion she had with her mom about why she couldnt wear them to a birthday party.

6. in 6th grade, going back to my elementary school and a teacher saying hi.

Things this song makes me think of

1. walking down the side walk

2. gutiars

3. .alternative boy band

4. theme songs in movies

5. foot tapping

6. drums

7. elevator music

8. introductions

9. weaving patterns

10. brooms

11. clapping hands

12. darth vader

13. harmony

14. bitter sweet memories

15. melancholy

16. keep going

Things that im not quite sure are true..

1 . Elephants remember everything

2. world religions

3. that doing chores builds character

4. our parents walked 8 miles in the snow to get to school

5. the color purple makes you look more awake

6. aroma therapy really work

7. cats have 9 lives

8. Cats will always land on their feet.

9. A country is worth dying for

10. doctors are always trying to help you

11. vaccines work

12. some babys dont cry

13. black and white are not colors

14. The sky is blue

Right Brain

hellomy name is sara i like to write and the house is blue and the grass is green i like to swim i like to see oter monjeys in the field ayelloe and blue and purple ad theu all see to the mabye in the sky and the winf blwing in the trees and making noise but pretty and and tmy hair is yello and i am kinda of pale and u=i have one blue and one green eye and i have a marron shirt o or mabye its bburgandy or a dark red and i have a kachi skirt onn and im a terribblesperrller and a not so good tryer because in middel school we didnt tyeoe notes or anything and i eelmentary school we ddint have to do realy any comuter stuff osi feel a little unpreeparied so i like to eat sweet pottoes i had them for dinner last night and chicken and sagreek salad and we got it at wholfoods pre pre pared and it was good and my mo is out of town tso patsy is coming into town and will be nbabby sitting me and my twin brother sam and she is a tad but crazyse is ld and peed her self last time she staryed in our hose be casue she forgot where she was and no she is baxk anad has red lipsrick and she livves isrsh opera and i love phanto of the opera its great and i love singing along to that movie and i love my dong gerorge and he is so cute hie is a yorkie and but he id kind mean so sometimes - I had quite an interesting experience with a dragon named Ernesto, which involved ;lot of scrabble and board games we played for housrs and hen we went to the park and went swiming we played maro oilothen he took me to his dragon lair nad introduced me to his sperttt that is a tye of animal i his world its an whake combinded with a monkey and i rode it to tehe zoo and we got all the animal inside the zoo to come with us so we lead a parade down the street and walked to austin where we performed a concert of sunshine of your love and lots of teh beatles classics i hwas oon the bass and my dragon friwnd had teh drums and pspertt had the main vocal s and it was great after this we when to teh market and squished orages simularly to how they do grapes in italy and whe made oragnges with our feet orange uice that is id was delicuoious and we drank 5 galons of theat stuff then we went to china to get so peanuts fr the elephant who was in our crew or gang of tonluy the coolest anmals after viting in china we vistited all awseome places